Wednesday, December 22, 2004

God Bless the Dummies...

Some of my liberal friends call the people who are trying to rescue Christmas from the ash heap of history "dumbasses" because we can't seem to grasp what their silly problem is.

I fashioned a response to some of their natterings in the piece below.

Merry Christmas Smart Asses.......

I've about given up coaching and patiently trying to explain why all the left wing smartasses are about as welcome in the red states( you know-those BIIIIGGGG!!!ones) as Michael Moore at a South Carolina Chitlin Festival.

Sure, I'm a dumbass. And you people are living in the world of dumbass right now because you're just too danged smart to add 2 and 2 and make it come to 4. You want to make a danged algebraic equation out of it.

Take a look around. You've got dumbasses controlling the House and the Senate and running your government, a dumbass on the cover of Time magazine, a dumbass dominating talk radio, dumbasses racking up the biggest news audiences on cable television, dominating the financial world and running the corporations that supply your jobs, your Big Macs, your argyle sweaters, your tofu and your trail mix, your wimpy little cars, your houses and your lava lamps.

You're dog paddling around in a red sea of dumbass right now because you went and picked a candidate that tried to tell us how to make a watch when all we really wanted to know was what time it was.

Dumbasses lack the verbal and intellectual skills to execute all those tergiversate shilly shallies the smartasses specialize in- like being able to take 8 different positions on one single issue at the same time. D lose their grip after the first triple pirouette and bang their heads on the concrete.

That's because their minds are bogged down in such simple minded concepts as right and wrong, love of country, keeping your word, meaning what you say, moral values, family traditions and using the common sense God gave them.

They're so danged dumb they think their kids ought to be able to sing Christmas carols or God Bless America in the schools (public? government? quasi? semi? hybrid?-let me think about it) that their tax dollars pay for just like they did, their parents did and their grandparents and their parents before them did. Danged dumbasses!!

Dumbass question. Which group do you imagine might be responsible for the general core rot in this country in the first place-with their misplaced notions about morality and civic duty, their "freedom of speech" defense of every egregious excess pumped out by the Hollywood pimps and their general disregard for the moral and traditional values that made this country great?

Which group defends a publisher's right to sell books on "How to Murder your Parents" and "An Anarchists Guide to Making Nuclear Bombs in your Basement"-then screams to high heaven if a school teacher says the word Jesus in a classroom?

Which group thinks that serial killers deserve lifetime room, board and workout rooms at taxpayers' expense, then nods off while doctors butcher an innocent 8 month old baby?

Which group applauds Target for kicking Salvation Army kettles out of their parking lots and complains to the ACLU because their local post office sells Christmas cards and Walmart won't sell porno magazines?

Where and how on earth do smartalecs think the groupies who instigated "lockup bingo" at Abu Ghraib got their ideas about the acceptability of such practices?

They sure as hell didn't get them from attending Sunday school or George Bush rallies!

And if you smartasses haven't figured the answer out yet, just flip your television remote or load up the latest Pimpwood release-the ones your personal saviors like Madonna, Whoopi Goldberg, Iced Tea, Ludacris, Eminen and Snoop Doggy pump out while they're building their beachfront mansions and throwing the finger to all the dumbasses of the world. Smartasses-every danged one of them!!

This country's dumbasses are trying their best to provide their kids with some moral anchors at home that don't get chopped loose the minute they enter the school house door to learn all about such smartass concepts as situational ethics ("Whatever's right for YOU !, Hon) and how all the smartass generated laws will protect them if they don't want to tell their parents they got pregnant at age 14 despite all the free condoms they got from the principal's office.

But thank (God, Allah, Buddha, Theron, Jethro, Festus-your choice. Just MAKE one, smartalec!) the smartasses are on the job to keep our kids from being subjected to words like Jesus and Merry Christmas right there in the hallways they have to use every day!!!

What to know what kind of candidate it's going to take four years from now to rescue your smartasses from those tiny blue islands you're having to stand on one foot on now to keep from gurgling crimson mouthwash?

Listen to one street smart dummy- Peggy Noonan-for just once in your smartass life. From a column she wrote just before the red tide of reason swept your smartalec tails out of your little moonbat caves.

I've substituted the word "smartass" for intellectual. I don't think Peggy would mind.....

"George Bush is the triumph of the seemingly average American man. He's normal. He thinks in a sort of commonsense way. He speaks the language of business and sports and politics. You know him. He's not exotic.

But if there's a fire on the block, he'll run out and help. He'll help direct the rig to the right house and count the kids coming out and say, "Where's Sally?" He's responsible. He's not a smartass.

Smartases start all the trouble in the world.

And then when the fire comes they say, "I warned Joe about that furnace." And, "Does Joe have children?" And "I saw a fire once. It spreads like syrup.

No, it spreads like explosive syrup.

No, it's formidable and yet fleeting."

When the fire comes the smartasses talk...

Bush ain't that guy. Republicans love the guy who ain't that guy. Americans love the guy who ain't that guy......"

As Noonan said..."People have eyes". And votes.

And write this one down, it's important( I'll wait while you find a crayon).

Because of the silly labels some groups like to hang on others, conservatives will never qualify to be smartasses. In the smartass world you need a master's degree in Advanced Moonbatism to be as dumbassed as they are.

glubb, glubbb, glubbbbbbbbbbb..........


loyopp said...

BRT, nothing wrong with ranting, of course, since it's your blog, but you're likely to drive folks interested in talking away by caricatures like this. (The reduction in crassness is good though.)

Anyhow, I tend to agree with what I *think* you're saying about the tone on the left. I don't think the folks shouting "f the South" are doing our side any good, and I hope and believe that few people really mean that.

As for the government (e.g. public schools, courts) *endorsing* religious expression, we've been down that road together already, so I'll let someone else take a turn.

Keep the posts coming...

memer said...

Hm. Yes, I do suppose it loses a little bit sitting here naked outside of the context of the original thread, but as I said over at LA's it's good stuff.

Liberals need to capture and understand the raw, simple, honest yearnings those on the Right hold dear. They're not that complicated and they're absolutely legit.

This is not to say, btw, that I agree with all the mental processes and conclusions, but just to say it has to be ACKNOWLEDGED and (gasp) respected (and then defeated with proper education and a more resolute-lookin candidate ;-).

C. said...

It's not that we don't understand your simple longings and the things you hold's that you want to force us all to long for them and hold them dear, and we don'tBRT rants about libruls having an irrational fear of theocracy, and in the same post talks about how he wants to "restore religious values" to America. Everyone who wants religious values, and by this he means Christian religious values, is free to have them; Christians are free to proselytize, and are damn good at it too; there is no movement afoot to purge the nation of Christianity, at least no serious one.

There is a serious movement afoot to "restore religious values" to those of us who don't have them, ie: to impose them on us.

I don't mind if you sing a christmas hymn, but i wish you were capable of seeing why a jewish kid doesn't want to. Or a muslim kid, or an atheist, etc.

bedrocktruth said...

I really can see that C. In fact I've said many times that this country should be celebrating our religious heritage in public places-that's ALL religions-instead of removing or hiding it because someone might feel "uncomfortable". I even detailed a way it could be done in another post.

A comment I read this morning really reinforced my feelings. It was part of an editorial directed to Democrats which said, basically, that any political party that bases it's platform on making all Americans "comfortable"-with ANYthing-is in deep trouble.

I really don't think simple acts like singing Christmas carols or God Bless America should make anyone feel uncomfortable, particularly since nobody's going to force someone to sing or even listen to them. None of them advocate violence or unsavory acts after all; just peace, goodwill and love of country.

And if similar songs from all religions were part of the program, anybody "uncomfortable" with that can always sit it out or leave. I hope that doesn't sound cruel or heartless and I say it in good humor but, honestly, I really think Democrats should pay attention to this comment by Mark Steyn...

"American liberals need to rethink their priorities: what's more important? Winning a victory over the kindergarten teacher's holiday concert, or winning back Congress and the White House?"

What he's talking about of course is that red tsunami that's building up for 2008 unless the Democrats start working on some common sense positions that don't alienate the overwhelming majority of Americans who think the ACLU's religious purge has gone too far for way too long.

bedrocktruth said...

"Liberals need to capture and understand the raw, simple, honest yearnings those on the Right hold dear. They're not that complicated and they're absolutely legit."

Thanks, memer. As usual you said it better than I did-
and with a lot fewer words...

The Liberal Avenger said...

I don't understand mainstream conservatism's contempt for intellectualism nor why it embraces anti-intellectualism (two sides of the same coin).

Noonan sounds like she is reveling in ignorance because it is straightforward.

Smartalecs start all the trouble in the world.This is just patently false.

It is precisely the inability to see nuance in issues that cause the great campaigns of conservatism to blunder forward (see: Iraq).

I dunno, BRT. I am glad that everybody liked this piece... It's message seems disingenuous to me, however.

Are conservatives superior to liberals or aren't they? Is that superiority based upon their ability to sort the world into GOOD vs. BAD and BLACK vs. WHITE?

C. said...

[BRT said] "...particularly since nobody's going to force someone to sing or even listen to them."

Well, the problem with doing it in school is, they *are* going to force kids to sing, in some cases, and listen, in most cases.

Now, personally, i agree with you, in the main, that if you have a program with mixed offerings and you honor all the religions present, then i have no problem with that. That's what my kid's school just finished doing at their holiday pageant, and i thought it was great.

The problem is, i think some schools don't honor this idea. They want to do christian prayers in the morning or at the game, and christian songs at the play, and they don't want to honor the other religions. I think it does create an atmosphere of discomfort at the least for kids who aren't christian when the school is officially sponsoring christian prayers and such at events. And i think kids have a right not to have other people's religions imposed on them.

If the public school starting having a muslim prayer every morning, and the kids all had to say "Praise Allah, the One God, there is no Other!" every morning, the christians would have a shit all over the place at the school forcing their kids to do that. And rightly so. So why can't you/they see that the non-christian kids feel the same way when they want to start praising Jesus?

bedrocktruth said...

The problem with intellectuals, LA, is that they live in a world of "nuance"-"what if, why not and on the other hand". At some point in the dialogue a DOER has to take control and actually make a decision-a process with which most intellectuals have only passing familiarity.

We will always need the intellectuals-in the schools and universities, on the boards, in the cabinets and on the planning committees where they serve a useful purpose in advancing all the historical background, nuances and alternatives. But once that has been done, like the salmon that swim upstream to spawn, their role is finished and "The Man in the Arena" has to take over. And he does so in the full knowledge that every disappointed intellectual whose personal point of view wasn't honored in the decision will join the nation's hindsighters, second guessers and moonbats
in excoriating him every time there's a problem or a setback.

We've been seeing that for a couple of years with George Bush and recently Donald Rumsfeld has taken up the role of magnet for all their "woe is us" nitter-natter.

And C, you bet I'd be upset if 5% of the people in this country-Muslim, atheist or whatever secondary religion or non-religion-should take over all the religious dialogue in our schools. What I'm proposing is a reasonable compromise but believe me, I'm not dumb enough to expect Muslims in Kabul for example to sit still if a Christian took over all the local calls to worship.

What baffles is me is why in the world anyone would expect that or feel "uncomfortable" if they had to endure a Muslim ceremony in a 99% Muslim state. What kind of self centered madness is THAT for Jethro's sake?!!

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Conan The Republican said...

Absolutely the most brilliant and ascerbic dissection of the dichotomy of liberalism ever written. This should be required reading at the next "Democratic" National Convention! (Could that possibly pass as an oxymoron? I digress...)


I've begun the laborious task of forwarding this bloody thing to every sentient individual I can possibly find--both left AND right.

God/Allah/Buddha/Jesus/Marx bless you, my son.

Conan The Republican

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